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Gonna be some gallery cleaning going on, I think. Lots of old shit that needs to go...
I'm debating whether or not to delete some works of mine that I don't particularly like. However they have lots of favorites and views, meaning they might bring more viewers in and if they're gone... those viewers go with it. I'm just sick of some old piece of Evanescence fanart getting favorites that absolutely sucks ass, or some shit fucking picture of Princess Sally.
In fact, I'm debating whether not just delete my Sonic gallery entirely. Or close this account. Or something. I'm holding on to some of this crap with the notion that I actually have these fans who like my Sonic art and fiction. But the reality is.... even when I was in major into the Sonic fandom...They didn't. Nobody cared about the hours I put into fanfiction. Nobody commented. Nobody read. A few favorites on a Sally picture? OOH WOW PEOPLE REALLY LIKE ME
Yeah whatever. Nobody gave one flying fuck about my fanstuff, just like nobody gives one flying fuck about the stuff I'm doing now.
I see a person drawing a character I fucking put SO much into, and get heaps of praise and all these comments like 'ooh, I never saw this character explored like this before!' or 'I've never seen him paired up with someone and given a real personality' and I'm thinking UM YEAH I'VE BEEN DOING THAT SAME THING FOR LIKE 10 FUCKING YEARS. BUT GOOD TO KNOW IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. (Keep in mind I don't have any ill will towards this artist or anything like that. I'm glad to see the character get more respect, honestly. But it kind of hurts to be totally non-existent, I guess.)
And at the same time, I know this is stupid. I know this is so fucking stupid to whine about goddamn fanart and fanfiction. And to whine about SOMEONE ELSE'S CHARACTER that I have no right to feel any sort of pride making work for because they aren't MINE. At the end of the day, it's fucking FAN SHIT. It's fucking insignificant. It means nothing. In fact, I'm just a fucking loser devoting all this time into someone else's world because I'm too stupid and uncreative and just plain fucking untalented to make my own, and I wouldn't even like my own as much as I like theirs.
..and even if I DID make my own world and put effort into it NO ONE CARES. So it's like...what. What do I do? Quit art and writing entirely? But quitting hurts. Not being creative in some sort of way HURTS. Yet it hurts to be overlooked. And then it hurts to think I actually think I'm worth people looking at in the first place.
There's a song lyric by Dessa I should just fucking abide to. 'I know that jealousy's a perfect waste of time. But left to my devices, I've spent far too long wasting mine.'
I'm debating whether or not to delete some works of mine that I don't particularly like. However they have lots of favorites and views, meaning they might bring more viewers in and if they're gone... those viewers go with it. I'm just sick of some old piece of Evanescence fanart getting favorites that absolutely sucks ass, or some shit fucking picture of Princess Sally.
In fact, I'm debating whether not just delete my Sonic gallery entirely. Or close this account. Or something. I'm holding on to some of this crap with the notion that I actually have these fans who like my Sonic art and fiction. But the reality is.... even when I was in major into the Sonic fandom...They didn't. Nobody cared about the hours I put into fanfiction. Nobody commented. Nobody read. A few favorites on a Sally picture? OOH WOW PEOPLE REALLY LIKE ME
Yeah whatever. Nobody gave one flying fuck about my fanstuff, just like nobody gives one flying fuck about the stuff I'm doing now.
I see a person drawing a character I fucking put SO much into, and get heaps of praise and all these comments like 'ooh, I never saw this character explored like this before!' or 'I've never seen him paired up with someone and given a real personality' and I'm thinking UM YEAH I'VE BEEN DOING THAT SAME THING FOR LIKE 10 FUCKING YEARS. BUT GOOD TO KNOW IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. (Keep in mind I don't have any ill will towards this artist or anything like that. I'm glad to see the character get more respect, honestly. But it kind of hurts to be totally non-existent, I guess.)
And at the same time, I know this is stupid. I know this is so fucking stupid to whine about goddamn fanart and fanfiction. And to whine about SOMEONE ELSE'S CHARACTER that I have no right to feel any sort of pride making work for because they aren't MINE. At the end of the day, it's fucking FAN SHIT. It's fucking insignificant. It means nothing. In fact, I'm just a fucking loser devoting all this time into someone else's world because I'm too stupid and uncreative and just plain fucking untalented to make my own, and I wouldn't even like my own as much as I like theirs.
..and even if I DID make my own world and put effort into it NO ONE CARES. So it's like...what. What do I do? Quit art and writing entirely? But quitting hurts. Not being creative in some sort of way HURTS. Yet it hurts to be overlooked. And then it hurts to think I actually think I'm worth people looking at in the first place.
There's a song lyric by Dessa I should just fucking abide to. 'I know that jealousy's a perfect waste of time. But left to my devices, I've spent far too long wasting mine.'
Snivvy fic stuff
For anyone who's interested, I've been working on rewriting my oldass 3rd season series which is mostly about Snively in Knothole getting beat up and aggravated lmao. I'm still not sure if I'm going to totally rewrite it or not. I'm just having fun! Anyway, I've been posting a bit to my Tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/junkydrawr So, if you're interested in reading random scenes with Snively, just search the blog with the tag 'junkysnivfic'. I might post it here as well but most likely I'd save that for the finished thang, if I ever finish it. :)
(SatAM fic) Changing St John's name?
So, I've been rewriting portions of my old New Season series just for funsies and if anyone read the old ones I like to have Geoffrey St John from Archie as like, the token asshole character, as well as having a character that is bigoted against all Overlanders/humans. I don't know all the details of the Ken Penders debacle but he's a jerkoff from what I know, but regardless I like the St John character for asshole character reasons. Lmao. Long story short, I'm wondering if I should rename the character to distance from Penders . It'll be the same dude honestly, just with a different name. I was thinking Jeremy Sinclair and his weapon would be a slingshot instead of a crossbow. Maybe keeping him a skunk but perhaps making him a ferret or wolverine instead. So anyhow. What do y'all think? Change it or not bother and keep him Geoffrey?
Ai...ick
I took a quick peek into the 'AI' section and honestly this shit is depressing. Why bother trying to improve your art when you can just type shit in and have some computer algorithm do everything for you? I can't even measure up to human artists, much less a machine. I mean, all I draw is bitchy Snivelys and very terrible Negans, and shit-tons of ugly ass headshots so...I mean, why should I care... but it's still depressing. Lol. And how will you even know if something is AI 'I typed this into a computer and got a masterpiece in 30 seconds' or if you're looking at years of a human honing an incredible artistic talent?
2023
Huh, so apparently last year I was all like 'I wanna get back on DA'. That never happened, lol. Ok, so rinse and repeat. But honestly, I think a lot of my old acquaintances have moved on to other pastures? I mean, what other art sites are out there? I suppose I could try reddit forums, twitter (I've heard it's got a big art community? But Elon... no....Lmao.) I've got Instagram (which I also need to update...) Anyway, I would like to post here again. I'm still working on fixing up piles of garbage (also known as my 'art') to post. Other randomness that's happened since I was last here: -I bought a house in Sept '22. I still waffle between liking it and regretting it like...every day. -I officially caught the 'Rona virus late August 22 (along with my parents) I'm pretty sure I had it before then because for over a year I cannot taste/smell 90% of the time. It has moments where it reemerges but they don't last. It kind of sucks, I'll tell ya. Who would've known that not knowing if
© 2015 - 2024 lupienne
Comments15
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I just wanted to say that I actually totally know where you're coming from. For a long time I too felt (and sometimes still feel) torn and somewhat cheated by the fact that fanart was the only thing getting me noticed, IF at all, and my original stuff/characters--the work nearest and dearest to my heart, got no attention.
In fact, I struggle with a lot of the same things you mentioned, like I really relate.
I reached a really big low earlier this past summer, and for weeks I didnt draw a thing (it was due to not getting to go to my dream school you see, not enough money lol) and it wasn't because I was sulking. It was because I had reached an impasse. What do I do with my life now? I had essentially dedicated four+years with this dream that was now gone. And what to do with this ridiculous hobby of drawing/painting/creating when in the end does it do any good??
And I realized something.
It makes /me/ feel good. I still hate it at times, but I'm working on it. I felt so torn up inside wanting to draw--its like an urge!--but not having the heart to do so until time passed and I could do it again.
As for making fanart, I think it's wonderful. Sure, it does feel like mooching off of someone's ideas. And it does feel hollow to not have something of your very own. But there's always time to make your own world. And who cares if no one likes it but you?? You dont need to prove yourself, if YOU like it then it will be fantabulous. ((personally I would love to hear anything you come up with. I know we dont ever talk but I really mean this. Which is a big deal for me lol))
Let it be your outlet. Let it fill you up, and let your creativity shine luv. Artists and writers need it I think. We have a darkness in us that is tamed only when we let it out as we create or it can destroy us. And I see such beauty in your paintings. I was looking at your gallery a few weeks ago in fact, thinking to myself I would never have enough patience and creativity for the quality of your work. (And no Im not just saying that, I'm forreal)
So idk, I hope this doesnt bother you. I saw your other journal after this one and idk I wanted to say something to ya.
I didn't follow you JUST for Sonic...I really liked your style. And I'm picky with my watches so.
But dont feel pressured to please watchers or viewers or whatever. (I know its hard not to) Just do what makes you happy.
In fact, I struggle with a lot of the same things you mentioned, like I really relate.
I reached a really big low earlier this past summer, and for weeks I didnt draw a thing (it was due to not getting to go to my dream school you see, not enough money lol) and it wasn't because I was sulking. It was because I had reached an impasse. What do I do with my life now? I had essentially dedicated four+years with this dream that was now gone. And what to do with this ridiculous hobby of drawing/painting/creating when in the end does it do any good??
And I realized something.
It makes /me/ feel good. I still hate it at times, but I'm working on it. I felt so torn up inside wanting to draw--its like an urge!--but not having the heart to do so until time passed and I could do it again.
As for making fanart, I think it's wonderful. Sure, it does feel like mooching off of someone's ideas. And it does feel hollow to not have something of your very own. But there's always time to make your own world. And who cares if no one likes it but you?? You dont need to prove yourself, if YOU like it then it will be fantabulous. ((personally I would love to hear anything you come up with. I know we dont ever talk but I really mean this. Which is a big deal for me lol))
Let it be your outlet. Let it fill you up, and let your creativity shine luv. Artists and writers need it I think. We have a darkness in us that is tamed only when we let it out as we create or it can destroy us. And I see such beauty in your paintings. I was looking at your gallery a few weeks ago in fact, thinking to myself I would never have enough patience and creativity for the quality of your work. (And no Im not just saying that, I'm forreal)
So idk, I hope this doesnt bother you. I saw your other journal after this one and idk I wanted to say something to ya.
I didn't follow you JUST for Sonic...I really liked your style. And I'm picky with my watches so. But dont feel pressured to please watchers or viewers or whatever. (I know its hard not to) Just do what makes you happy.